Signs in General
Emotional child abuse
Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me. This old saying could not be farther from the truth. Emotional child abuse may seem invisible. However, because emotional child abuse involves behavior that interferes with a child's mental health or social development, the effects can be extremely damaging and may even leave deeper lifelong psychological scars than physical abuse.
Emotional child abuse takes many forms, in words and in actions.
Words. Examples of how words can hurt include constant belittling, shaming, and humiliating a child, calling names and making negative comparisons to others, or constantly telling a child he or she is no good," "worthless," "bad," or "a mistake." How the words are spoken can be terrifying to a child as well, such as yelling, threatening, or bullying.
Actions. Basic food and shelter may be provided, but withholding love and affection can have devastating effects on a child. Examples include ignoring or rejecting a child, giving him or her the silent treatment. Another strong component of emotional abuse is exposing the child to inappropriate situations or behavior. Especially damaging is witnessing acts that cause a feeling of helplessness and horror, such as in domestic violence or watching another sibling or pet be abused.
Behavioral signs. Since emotional child abuse does not leave concrete marks, the effects may be harder to detect. Is the child excessively shy, fearful or afraid of doing something wrong? Behavioral extremes may also be a clue. A child may be constantly trying to parent other children for example, or on the opposite side exhibit antisocial behavior such as uncontrolled aggression. Look for inappropriate age behaviors as well, such as an older child exhibiting behaviors more commonly found in younger children
Caregiver signs. Does a caregiver seem unusually harsh and critical of a child, belittling and shaming him or her in front of others? Has the caregiver shown anger or issues with control in other areas? A caregiver may also seem strangely unconcerned with a child's welfare or performance. Keep in mind that there might not be immediate caregiver signs. Tragically, many emotionally abusive caregivers can present a kind outside face to the world, making the abuse of the child all the more confusing and scary.
http://www.helpguide.org/mental/child_abuse_physical_emotional_sexual_neglect.htm
(1-21-09)
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Signs concerning Madison
The behavior on the video of Jan. 7, 2007 caused a feeling of helplessness and horror in me, what about a child?
During our visits in summer 2008, Madison would express fear for herself and concern for the safety of her sister. Madison specifically said that she gets angry at her sister, when her sister refuses to call uncle Pat (Patrick Duxbury the man my niece told me kicks her) without the title of uncle. If she and her sister didn't call Robert's friend (and current housemate?) uncle, would they get punished? Why was she afraid (angry)?
Unsupervised (without Ashley or her people present) and longer visits between Larkin and his daughter began in April 2008. She was now able to interact with not only her father, but also her paternal grandparents and aunt.
Madison started out very shy, timid (scared) and closed off. She didn't smile when I said smile to take her picture the first time we saw her in April 2008. We had to constantly reassure her (because of how she was acting) that she was safe with her father and with us. (Ashley has been saying things to Madison concerning her father that are untrue, that are frightening to Madison and that are confusing.) Madison opened up a little more each visit and (for a short period of timea few weeks) began happily engaging in life the way a child shouldcarefree--laughing, playing, making art, playing games, riding her bicycle with her father, playing outsideplaying frisbee and ball with her father and us, playing with the dogs and taking walks...
However, (about a month into the visits?) she shut down again and--as visits continued she was often upset and afraid fearful of talking to us, and fearful of playing (and enjoying her time) with us. She started calling me Kim instead of aunt Kim as she has always addressed me. She wouldn't tell us why she was suddenly calling me this or addressing her father as you.
She told us she only wanted to play video games and got VERY upset if we invited her and tried to engage with her by doing the things she had previously really enjoyed doing such as making art, riding her bike, taking walks etc. In the middle of summer, she refused to use a small inflatable pool (with a slide), that her paternal grandfather had bought for her. She used it only once or twice (and had a blast doing it!) and gave no explanation as to why she didn't want to use it (and other toys) except for she just didn't want to.
She wouldn't tell us why she didn't want to do those things anymore and wouldn't give us an answer except that she just wants to play video games. One time, she quickly got so upset she started breathing fast (a panic attack?) and begging to please just let me play video games. When asked if she still liked doing the other things, she said yes, but could give us no explanation as to why she didn't want to do them anymore the things that used to make her smile and have fun with us, now made her fearful.
In the summer of 2008, Ashley Terjelian and Robert have told her to rip up artwork she makes with while visiting with her father and she has. I asked her if it made her feel good to rip it and she said no.
One day I asked her if she still had the high chair I painted for her baby dolls that she got for her birthday. She said she didn't have it anymore.
I asked her where it was? what happened to it?
She paused and said, I lost it.
How does a little girl lose her belongings? She is not responsible, her mother is. Just like when Madison would say that she forgot her coat when it was cold out. How does a mother lose a personal, irreplaceable, valuable and sentimental gift (from an aunt) to her daughter a gift her daughter enjoyed very much? (when her father gave it to her on her birthday she immediately put a care bear in the seat and played pretend .) This gift can never be replaced...and more importantly, how did Ashley dispose of it? Madison must have known or wondered where it went. How did Madison feel about that?
Larkin and my mother brought Madison to Burlington one day in summer 2008 to visit me where I sell artwork. A friend (and well respected business woman) said to me as soon as they left, oh, that poor dear. She has PTSD. Post-traumatic stress disorder. And I have witnessed the signs of PTSD too. During the visits in the summer of 2008, Madison would many times be VERY apologetic for things that were not in her control, things that were an accident, or for something that did not even warrant an apology. If she did something such as accidentally spilling juice, she seemed fearful of the consequences she might be given. Why?
When Larkin visited with his daughter (which was not very often, because Ashley would just not be at her house during the visiting time or would move and not leave a forwarding address for the courts), it was often hostile, due to the behavior of her and/or others.
Paul Terjelian picked a fight with my brother during one (or more) visits which the courts ordered take place at the Terjelian residence, regardless of my brother's request to not have the visits at Paul Terjelian's house due to concerns for his safety while in the presence of Paul.
Ashley has also denied Larkin and our mother access inside her residence (whereever that is at the time she has moved at least FIVE times in Madison's six years of life. There is a picture of Madison sitting on Larkin's lap as he reads to her. He's sitting outside on the floor of the porch at Ashley's demands she would not allow him inside. What effect does this have on Madison's feelings toward her father...toward her mother?
Ashley is EXTREMELY controlling. She has been trying (through aggression, intimidation, threats and actions) to control things She has demanded who can (and can't)see her daughter, where visits will be (and the court left it up to the mother's wishes (which is why there was a visit at Burger King a visit she immediately terminated on Jan. 7, 2007.)
Ashley's behavior toward others can be described as bullying. I heard that Ashley succeeded at bullying another student so relentlessly in high school that the other female student had to transfer schools to get away from Ashley.
The scene that took place on March 10, 2005 (which is recorded on audio tape and typed) is another good example of her controlling behavior. Ashley had no concern for her behavior that day...and no concern that she was doing it in front of her daughter. Some of Ashley's words on this day in front of her daughter were: "MY DAUGHTER. Mine....Mine! My daughter...my f#$@ing daughter."
We do not have a chance to interact with Madison..(and her caregivers ) because Ashley (her legal caregiver) is again isolating her daughter and ignoring court orders for visitation with Madison's father. Isolation of a child is a sign that abuse is occurring. Ashley has been trying (and mostly succeeding) at isolating Madison from her father and her father's side of the family since 2004 (when Madison began to be able to talk.)
In the video taken on Jan 7, 2007, at Burger King on Shelburne Road in South Burlington, Ashley had no concern about her daughter or her welfare and even stated, I don't f$%#% care!
When I saw my niece on January 7, 2007, I asked her if she remembered me... aunt Kim (as it had been two years since she had seen me)....she looked at me for a few seconds, then her eyes lit up a bit as she started to shake her head up and down as I asked her how she was doing.
During this time, Ashley is demanding that we are leaving NOW, Madison! And Madison asks her mother why? (She had just sat down to eat and visit with her father and grandmother.) And Ashley ignores her. Madison says numerous times, but I wanna stay and play with my friends. And Ashley continues to ignore her and packs up their things. (This is all on an audio tape before the video tape was used.) There was a man and his son watching this take place, and you could tell it was concerning to this man how Ashley was behaving.. Ashley caused such a scene in the parking lot that the manager came outside and asked if we were ok and if we wanted him to call the police. We said no as Ashley had already left with Madison in her car, and my brother was just going to deal with Ashley's non-compliance through the courts.
When Ashley left Burger King, Madison followed...and then we followed because of our concern for her extremely inappropriate and aggressive behavior. When we got outside, Madison was in the middle of the parking lot (at least 20 feet from her mother) while her mother was at the side of her car trying to open the door. She saw that we had come outside and started yelling at us and threatening us. Madison appeared frightened of her mother and was backing away from her as she screamed at me, inches from my face. I pointed it out to Ashley that she shouldn't behave like that in front of her daughter... and she didn't care. She then left after roughly placing Madison in her car seat. I have seen her treat Madison roughly at another point in time. It was following a court hearing a few years ago that granted Larkin visitation (so it didn't go in Ashley's favor) and she roughly and aggressively shoved Madison in her stroller. I told her to be gentle with Madison. To which she responded something to the effect of me not telling her how to treat her daughter. We (my mother and I) also asked her if she needed a ride. And she declined in a not-so-nice way.
My brother would be able to tell you more of the things he saw when visiting with Madison, or picking her up and dropping her off. He can tell you how our mother and him brought Madison to the Maple Sugar Fest in St. Albans in the summer of 2008 and she didn't want to do anything. She didn't want to go on any rides and didn't want to have fun was fearful of having fun. Why does she fear having fun with her father, grandmother, grandfather and aunt?
Drop offs and pick-ups where at the Essex Jct. Police Station (at Ashley's demands.) Ashley's and Robert's aggressive and violent behavior in front of Madison (and at times her other daughter) at drop offs and pick ups in the summer of 2008 continued and escalated. There was no police intervention concerning their violent and threatening behavior which often took place in the parking lot of the police station. Robert and Ashley repeatedly threatened to kill or harm Larkin in front of Madison or would scream Child molester! at him in front of Madison and anyone else present.
Ashley assaulted Larkin (breaking his property) during one of these drop offs. Their behavior was always violent, aggressive, and threatening and they often yelled at Madison to get in the car. (Robert Meek has yelled on more than one occasion that she's my f$#@#$%ing daughter! We do believe Robert has his own biological children (in Tennessee?) whom he is not allowed to be around.) Robert is NOT Madison's father. On his myspace, Robert has a picture of Larkin's daughter in a dress that states My baby girl.
Telling a child that someone is their parent when they are not, is emotional abuse.
When we pointed out that their behavior was way out of hand, and that there are children present...they said they didn't care and continued yelling and carrying on more.